literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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