i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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