There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I deserve this hangover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
