i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
