dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
