Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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