stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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