I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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