Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize