Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize