I hate your face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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