that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
