just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
