dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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