Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize