It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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