Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sext me about skeletons
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