I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
