Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
