my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
