i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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