yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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