sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
