Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
