Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
