I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
