..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
