Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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