you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
