If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
