guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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