Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize