You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
