Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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