my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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