The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
