He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
