im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize