Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
