and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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