Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
