That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
