I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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