Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
