I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
