At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
