I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
