that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
