how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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