i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My balls are so social today.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
