If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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