wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I smell like Dick and happiness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
