She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
