walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
