Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
