Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
