and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
