I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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