Whats the glycemic index on semen?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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