my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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