I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
