I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
