Your face is a jimmy john
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
