his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize