We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
